Minnie’s Musings

To make one feel much better.

Stinging complaint has now been delivered. Once on the feedback form – and yes I was happy to share my thoughts with the public (but they won’t be) – who may or may decide to share them with the wider public – and once on an official complaint form.

Just the act of writing the tale and my thoughts and feelings is therapeutic. It helps to nudge the anger and frustration further down the path by which they might leave my system.

I use this technique in much of my everyday and working life. Writing an email to oneself about any untoward incident – factual, professional and honest – serves to increase the possibility that you won’t be brooding about whatever happened at 3am, while at the same time recording a contemporaneous account.

As a special needs mum I rapidly learned to follow any and every conversation with the local authority with an email starting “Further to our conversation this morning, my understanding is…”

Written records are invaluable. Even if you don’t come out smelling of roses yourself. And contemporaneous accounts are key . You are recording what happened and what was said while the memory is fresh. Memory gets faulty with greater distance.

And honesty is vital. Admitting that you might have muttered “#%^*wit” under your breath from the outset gets your misdemeanour out there and can give you an additional sense of relief (the police have long said people who kill unburden themselves when they confess). It is also disarming.

As a teacher rebooting and improving a relationship is way more successful if you ‘give’ a little at the outset. “start the conversation with “I know you think I was unfair and perhaps I overreacted for which I apologise. It might help if I explained how your behaviour looked from my perspective.”

This kind of conversation has been dubbed ‘restorative justice.’ I prefer the term civilised conversation. Let us model this to the younger generation.